So You've Moved In Together — How to Merge Your Stuff

Whether you and your honey have moved into a brand-new space together or only one of you has made the move, unpacking the boxes can be cause for alarm. These are things carried from home to home, things that were hidden under the bed, and boxes and boxes of incredibly important things.

Even when you're ready to share space with the one you love, merging styles can lead to some bumps in the road. When that broken-down recliner appears — you know, the one with the duct-taped arms and sunken seat — you might feel like you're losing your sanity. But don't worry, there's a way to deal with it that can keep both of you happy.

One of the most challenging situations couples face isn’t related to how to decorate (though that's near the top). It’s how to keep their space clutter free when one partner doesn’t believe their stuff is part of the problem. I see a lot in my day-to-day interactions with clients, and I have seen people go full-blown hysterical over getting rid of things they hardly remember purchasing in the first place.

Hands down, combining styles is less complex than combining sensibilities. There are times we need to let go, and there are some things that just really need to go. Here are four tips for working with new surroundings and merging stuff.


Scale back. It’s important to commit to clearing your individual clutter before you set foot in your new space. If you don’t love it, need it or use it regularly, it shouldn’t make the move. If you’re prone to sentimental saving, enlist the help of a friend or family member with no emotional ties to your stuff. Someone objective can help you decide what goes in the boxes and what gets sold, donated or thrown out.

Making a home together is an opportunity to start fresh. We all have things we save that show where we come from and memories we’ve made, but we have to realize that some of our personal belongings aren't special or imbued with magical life-altering properties. Bring only what’s significant into the new home you're sharing. If you both own the same thing (say, a flat-screen TV), stick with the newest one or the one still under warranty and sell or donate the other.


Make a game plan. The word “plan” isn’t exactly romantic, but neither is arguing over closets stuffed with crud. If you’re moving into an empty apartment, sketch out a floor plan on paper to decide where things will go and what you’ll still need to be comfortable (a new bed perhaps?). Discuss ahead of time which things each of you will bring into the space to avoid any unpleasant surprises on moving day. It may seem tedious, and your mate may even claim not to care, but asking his or her opinion on whether things should come into the home can save you a headache later.

Agree to disagree or compromise. If you tend to struggle to find decor that fits you both, trade dinner for design hours with a stylish friend or hire a professional for a consultation. Walk through the space together so he or she can visualize the potential and offer guidance.

If you’re moving into your partner’s home, you may be contending not only with the ghost of a previous relationship, but with a physical environment that has probably functioned just fine for your mate in its current state. Talk to your partner about specific things you would like to change: paint color, linens, the flow of the furniture — anything that will help you feel at home.


Know when to upgrade. Whether you rent or own your space, what you start with may not be what you want to live with forevermore. There will come a time when the hand-me-downs, mystery furniture and yes, the broken down, will need to be replaced. What one partner feels is fully functional, the other may find repulsive. Be willing to communicate and compromise on what needs to go long before one of you threatens to set the sofa on fire. It can be overwhelming to buy everything new all at once, and often it’s not economically possible. Deciding ahead of time which items you’ll work toward replacing or upgrading will go a long way toward building a home together.

See Part 1: So You're Moving In Together: 3 Things to Do First

Coming up: Part 3 will help you figure out what to do when you or your partner's tastes change.

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